Too Hot to Function? These 5 Things Actually Helped Me Survive the Heat

There comes a point in every heatwave when your brain melts just enough to forget how socks work. The air turns to soup, your skin becomes Velcro, and basic human tasks like standing, breathing, or not snapping at people feel wildly unreasonable. This isn’t just “nice weather”—this is British Summer: Level Unlocked, where the thermometer hits 28°C and society crumbles like a supermarket flan.

If you’re currently Googling how to stay cool in hot weather and coming up with tips like “drink water” or “move less”, welcome to the club. We’re not built for this. The country isn’t built for this. Our homes are Victorian heat traps wrapped in frustration. Public transport turns into mobile saunas. And your upstairs bedroom? That’s not a room anymore—it’s a punishment chamber made of bricks and bad choices. You open windows and invite in exactly zero relief. You try a fan, and it just pushes warm air around like a passive-aggressive colleague sighing in your direction.

And it’s not just the heat. It’s the rage. You’re mad at the sun. You’re mad at your neighbours for BBQing again. You’re mad at yourself for not buying a fan two weeks ago when they were still in stock. Your towel never dries. Your thighs have fused into one leg. And your electric bill is sweating just looking at the plug socket.

Look, we love a bit of sunshine — in theory. But when it crosses that invisible line from “lovely” to “lethal,” it stops being charming and starts being a logistical nightmare. Especially when sleeping feels like being wrapped in cling film, regret, and damp despair.

That’s why I put together this list. No fluff, no faff — just the genuinely helpful things that made me slightly less cranky, sticky, and sleep-deprived when the heat tried to kill us all. These aren’t miracle cures. They won’t turn your house into an ice hotel. But they might help you function again — or at least complain slightly less.

So, before you pour ice cubes into your underpants or Google “how much for a flight to Iceland,” check out these small but mighty solutions for surviving summer. Because knowing how to stay cool in hot weather shouldn’t feel like a riddle wrapped in sweat.